When a brother or sister hurts me, what should I do?

Four steps inspired by “Getting Over Church Hurts” (Pastor Duke Taber's blog):

1. Present your wound to God in prayer

Whatever harm has been done to you, do not rush into a confrontation with the perpetrator of your injury. Explain your suffering to God in prayer. Ask him to heal your wounds. God may also want to prepare your heart before you discuss it with the brother or sister who has hurt you.

2. Resist the urge for revenge

When you have been hurt in the Church, there will be a great desire to tell others what has happened to you. Sharing your experience with someone you trust is one thing. Trying to win people over is another. It's even
a form of passive revenge. The gaze of others can be biased even before there has been an opportunity for explanations, requests for forgiveness and reconciliation.

3. Let God do what you cannot do

God will not necessarily lead us to confront all of our offenders. Part of spiritual maturity is not being quick to take offense. What matters is letting ourselves be led by the Spirit and letting him solve what is beyond us.

4. Choose forgiveness at all costs

Whatever the hurt and what it cost you, forgiveness is the way to go. Forgiveness is not for the other, it is for you. Without it, bitterness will take root in your heart. This root has the potential to touch your future relationships with your siblings, as well as your spiritual insight, the healing of your heart, etc. It is in God that you will find the strength to forgive.

Natacha Horton

Find more articles on spiritual, the magazine that brings together Christian women from the French-speaking world.

Article originally published in September 2021.

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