Why are Christian boys silent about abstinence?

In the age of sexual exploration and wide acceptance of sexual activity, virginity is stigmatizing. Ask any guy 20 or older who is trying to preserve himself and save sex for marriage! Even though our culture increasingly emphasizes choice and individual freedom, encouraging young people to honor their bodies and wait until they are ready to have sex is not accepted by this generation.

MEven as a student at a conservative Christian college I still see virginity in boys as something stigmatizing. This is how the company's message about sex ends up influencing us. While my university regulations prohibit sex between unmarried students, many of us have difficulty following these guidelines. A friend of mine was interested in a girl here at college and as things progressed he realized she wanted to have sex. He felt ashamed to have to break this relationship and several of these friends told him that he was crazy to have left this girl for that. In this situation he didn't really feel like a man.

A woman who keeps her virginity is seen as pure and honorable, those who lose their virginity before marriage and sleep with multiple partners are seen as immoral or worse as "second-hand goods". Boys' sexuality does not line up with this dichotomy, even in Christian circles. Instead, as my friend's example illustrates, virginity is based on pride. A man's ego takes a serious hit when it comes to abstinence. On the other hand, our pride and our sense of virility are encouraged when we brag about our sexual experiences.

Some Christian students secretly laugh at the expectations of virginity, they think that sex is the obligatory rite of passage to become a man. For them, those who remain virgins do not really become men. Since most conversations about purity are female-centered, many boys are reluctant to bring up the topic in small sharing or prayer groups. They think their struggles with it will make them appear weak.

I also noticed that our teachings on "lust" could be the cause of the act in some people. They may think when the time comes, “Okay if it's already come into my heart then it's like I did it so why not do it. Or "It's not good, it's true, but God will forgive me." "

In a Christian context it's like a loser-loser, it's difficult to talk about this fight or to admit your falls, but it's also difficult to talk about your virginity.

The subject of sex is embarrassing enough that you don't have to talk about it with your pastor. I would like to discuss virginity with men my age who understand my situation. If we only hear our society telling us that we are “less than men” because of our virginity and that we do not encounter any other message of encouragement we cannot open our hearts to the struggles we encounter. I believe our silence about male virginity may make men think it's not worth it.

The choice for me is simple. Marriage is the sacred union between two individuals and the only appropriate context for sexual practice. But the reality of this choice is very difficult. When I watch TV, read books, browse Instagram, I see sex everywhere. There are times I've said to myself, “It's just sex,” wondering why I was putting so much effort into stepping away from it. However, the Lord intervened in my life before I made a mistake. It was through his strength that I was able to overcome the temptations that were before me.

Nothing in our Christian lives is supposed to be ordinary. Keeping sex for marriage is just one challenge among all the challenges of the Christian life. I believe that if more men could be confident in their virginity, we could change society's view of masculinity. But for that to happen, we need to be able to talk more easily about the difficulties and struggles of sexual purity for men, both in the church but also in our relationships with one another.


source: Christianity Today

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