As the mother of a three month old baby and still small twins, I have been very sensitive to the young husbands and dads exposed in the affair of the site. Ashley Madison. Behind the appearances of happy families and despite praising their loving, caring wives to their children, these men wanted more and searched for it in the dark corners of the Internet.
CThis reality struck very close to my house, as it may have been for many parents in the early months and years of family life. Having a baby is physically, mentally and emotionally draining you. Sometimes I feel too exhausted to have a full conversation with my husband and be intimate with him.
We loved each other and we loved our young family but I would be lying if I didn't say it was a grueling time. We knew welcoming children would be a good thing in our lives but I never imagined it would be this: how babies cry, how to feed them in the middle of the night, and this continuous flow of communicable diseases that takes its toll. rights to all aspects of your marriage.
I just want a conversation that doesn't end with "We'll end it later" as we chase a two-year-old out of the room and pick up the crying baby.
While Ashley Madison's men are judged by public opinion, it is easy for us to imagine why these men fell into infidelity. They weren't happy in their marriage, they stopped being tempted, they craved sex. Perhaps, too, there is an underlying issue that applies to all of us: different gender expectations in marriage.
I have written before about how we evangelicals have elevated sex beyond what is biblical or healthy. I am particularly worried about young families. New parents cannot stay in tune with their sexual rhythms and expectations. There will be times, either during mom's postpartum depression or during dad's long business trips, when couples have to live sexless. If we see our sexual needs as something that absolutely must be met we risk seeing these times as some kind of failure, or something worrying or even guilty.
As Christians, with a robust understanding of marriage and intimacy, we need to take a perspective on sex that honors the fact that one cannot have "sex on demand." Sex is an activity in the service of the spouse and not something motivated by our own desires. That is why the context of sex is the relationship. It is not a right but a gift that we give ourselves in a context of alliance and sacrifice.
Parents are not prepared for the fact that their sex life will change drastically after each child. It can take anywhere from a few weeks to several months before a woman's body is ready for sex again. Most postpartum women suffer from low libido, fatigue, and fear that sex will be painful. Not to mention sore breasts, stretch marks and being overweight which makes it difficult to feel desirable.
It's okay to want sex and not have it. We live in a fallen world where we don't always have what we want when we want it. It's good to remember that sex, which plays an important role in marriage, has never been ideal. Our sex life and our relationship are affected by sin.
Sex is marked by infidelity (Gen 11; 30). Sex is marked by selfishness and rape (2 Sam 11; 13: 1-22). Sex is marked by physical limitations. Sex is marked by manipulation (Gen 19: 30-38; Gen 38). Sex is marked by our sinful hearts (Judges 16). Sex is marked by the daily life. And too often sex is marked by infidelity, by the desire to seek someone else to receive the sexual satisfaction and intimacy that one thinks one does not find in marriage.
We cannot say that husbands and wives will not experience seasons in which they will not be sexually satisfied by their partner. Instead we should recognize that it happens to each of us, even in the most loving of relationships, and that it is normal.
In the age of Ashley Madison, let us abandon our evangelical idol of a perfect sex life in marriage. In a fallen world our relationship will evolve, be hurt, heal and grow. By honoring our reciprocal commitments made before the Lord we trust that God will keep us "for better or for worse." "
source: Christianity Today
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