The Bible teaches us this: “So then, my beloved brothers and sisters, let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak. Jacques: 1.19 "
Relationships are based on communication and communication is based on listening. so, let's not wait any longer to start listening well. Here are some basic rules, to be applied without moderation:
1 - TO BE INTERESTED IN OTHERS. To listen well, you have to be able to decenter yourself, put aside your problems or preoccupations, to concentrate on the other, to put yourself in their place. Show your interest in what you're being told by asking questions and don't look away while you're being spoken to!
2 - SHOW YOURSELF OF TRUST. To confide in you, the other must feel that you will respect what he tells you and that his confidences will remain between you.
3 - PATIENCE! Yes, you need a minimum for good listening.
4 - FIND THE RIGHT TIME. Lack of time, fatigue can prevent us from being willing to listen. It may be better to postpone the conversation to a more appropriate time, in order to avoid any feelings of frustration for the other and for yourself.
5 - THE SUITABLE ENVIRONMENT. It's hard to listen to someone attentively in the middle of the street, with the noise of cars. Why not do it over coffee?
6 - AVOID JUDGING. If you have prejudices about a person, it will be more difficult to listen to them well. It is about accepting the other as he is, with his differences, without wanting to impose his point of view.
7 - DO NOT SEEK TO GIVE ANSWERS. When your interlocutor asks you to listen, it is not necessarily advice from you. The “simple” act of listening to him will allow him to feel understood and less alone with his questions or concerns. And perhaps to find the answers he is looking for on his own.
8 - KNOW HOW TO SHUT DOWN. When the other confides, be careful not to fall into the trap of "It's like me when ...". By bringing the other person's situation back to your own, you risk drawing all the attention to yourself.
9 - DO NOT BECOME A GARBAGE BIN. Sometimes, you sometimes have to know how to say "stop" when the confidences of others burden you too much. Otherwise, the risk is to feel saturated. And, in the long run, you won't want to listen anymore because you won't have enough energy.
10 – TRAIN YOUR MEMORY. When you're talking with someone, find ways to remember what they said to you in a previous discussion. Thus, the other will see that you have been attentive to what he told you and will feel all the better listened to.
It's the weekend, the time when family and friends get together. It may also be an opportunity for all of us to practice listening. Excellent weekend everyone!
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Article originally published in September 2021.
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