The Bible teaches us this: “So then, my beloved brothers and sisters, let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak. Jacques: 1.19 "
Relationships are based on communication and communication is based on listening. so, let's not wait any longer to start listening well. Here are some basic rules, to be applied without moderation:
1 - BE INTERESTED IN OTHERS. To listen well, you have to succeed in decentering yourself, putting aside your problems or concerns, to concentrate on the other, to put yourself in their place. Show your interest in what you are being told by asking questions and don't look away while you are being talked to!
2 - BE TRUSTWORTHY. To confide in you, the other must feel that you will respect what he tells you and that his confidences will remain between you.
3 - PATIENCE! Yes, it takes a minimum for a good listening.
4 - FIND THE RIGHT TIME. Lack of time, fatigue can prevent us from being well disposed to listen. It may be wiser to postpone the conversation to a more appropriate time, in order to avoid any feelings of frustration for the other person and for yourselves.
5 - THE SUITABLE ENVIRONMENT. Difficult to listen to someone attentively in the middle of the street, with the noise of cars. Why not do it over a coffee?
6 - AVOID JUDGING. If you have prejudices about a person, it will be more difficult to listen to them well. It is about accepting the other as he is, with his differences, without wanting to impose his point of view.
7 - DO NOT SEEK TO GIVE ANSWERS. When your interlocutor asks you to listen, it is not necessarily advice on your part. The "simple" act of listening to him will allow him to feel understood and less alone with his questions or concerns. And perhaps to find by himself the answers he seeks.
8 - KNOW HOW TO KEEP QUIET. When the other confides, be careful not to fall into the trap of "It's like me when...". By making the other person's situation your own, you risk drawing all the attention to yourself.
9 - DO NOT BECOME A GARBAGE. Sometimes you have to know how to sometimes say "stop" when the confidences of others burden you too much. Otherwise, the risk is to feel saturated. And, in the long run, you won't want to listen anymore, because the energy will fail you.
10 - TRAIN YOUR MEMORY. When you're talking with someone, find ways to remember what they said to you in a previous discussion. Thus, the other will see that you have been attentive to what he told you and will feel all the better listened to.
It's the weekend, the time when family and friends get together. It may also be an opportunity for all of us to practice listening. Excellent weekend everyone!
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Article originally published in September 2021.